


Who's Gonna Be The First To Say Goodbye?

by steadyasthestars



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Divorce, Kid Harry, Kid Louis, Kid Niall, M/M, Married Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Parents Ziam, SO SORRY, Sad, breaking up, why did I do this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steadyasthestars/pseuds/steadyasthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn just needs a break, that's all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who's Gonna Be The First To Say Goodbye?

I sat at the table. It was early morning and the sun was beginning to rise. I had to go soon. I took one last sip of my coffee. I stood and walked to the sink as I lit a cigarette. I sat the cup in the sink and turned on the water. I leaned a bit on the sink as I smoked my arm crossed under my armpit as I stared out the window over the sink. I blew out the cracked window. I heard the sound of feet on the floor and I knew exactly who it was going to be.   
“Hey.” He said into the quiet room. I didn’t respond. I just stared out of the window.   
“You’re up pretty early, what’s going on? What’s with the bags in the living room?” Liam said and I couldn’t turn toward him. I would get weak. I needed to do this.  
“I should have been gone by now.” I said as I pushed away from the sink as I stubbed my cigarette out on the edge. I brushed away the ashes and turned off the water.  
“What are you talking about?” Liam asked as he put a hand on his shoulder. I shook it off and he grabbed it more forcefully before he turned me around.  
“Talk to me.” He said and I shook my head.  
“I can’t stay here and do this anymore.” I said as I pulled away from him a bit.   
“Do what?” Liam asked.   
“I can’t stay and pretend that I am happy. That I am alright.” I said as I tried to move around him. He grabbed my wrist before I could get too far away.  
“What? Are you just planning to leave us?” He said holding onto my wrist.   
“Let go! You’re hurting me, Liam.” I gritted out as I tried to pull away. He opened his mouth to answer.   
“Daddy?” A small voice asked and Liam turned to look over his shoulder.   
“Hey, Sweetie, go back to bed okay?” Liam said as he let go of my wrist and turned from me.   
“What’s the matter?” Niall asked as he rubbed his eyes. He was always a light sleeper, always the one that you had to spend extra time with in the night or he wouldn’t sleep. Niall raised his arms in the air and Liam sighed before bending down and hefting him up on his hip. Liam rocked him back and forth and I turned back to the sink taking one final breath. Final. It clung in the air and the word was heavy and freeing all at once. I began to walk to the living room and he followed me, whispering now because Niall was softly dozing on his shoulder.  
“So you were just planning on leaving, no note or anything? We were just going to wake up today and you would have been gone. What was I supposed to tell them?”  
“I was going to call-” I began.  
“A fucking phone call?” He hissed at me. I shook my head and pulled out another cigarette. I put it to my lips and Liam pulled it away from me and snapped it in half.  
“You know Niall has asthma. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said and Niall started against his shoulder. He rubbed his eyes. I scrubbed my hands over my face.   
“I didn’t want to do it this way, Li, I swear I didn’t.” I said as put my bag on my shoulder.  
“Daddy?” Niall asked looking between us.   
“Baba, where are you going?” Niall asked.  
“Yeah, Baba, tell him where you are going. Tell him that you are leaving us.” Liam said callously. I shook my head.  
“You’re leaving us?” I heard from the top of the stairs and I looked up. Louis was standing against the railing with Harry on his hip.   
I took a deep breath. Liam handed me a now crying Niall. Niall wrapped his arms around my neck.  
“Fuck you. Fuck you, Liam.” I breathed up as my eyes welled up. I sat Niall down on his feet and began to wipe his face with the corner of my t-shirt.   
“Shh. Don’t cry, Baby.” I said as I wiped his tears.   
“You’re so selfish.” Liam said. I stood and looked at him.  
“I am. I fucking am. I need to be. It’s been all about you guys for five years. I thought I could handle this but I couldn’t. I really couldn’t. And I love you guys, I love all of you, but I don’t even know who I am anymore.” I said and Liam shook his head.   
“That’s bullshit.” He said.  
“No. No it really isn’t. I’m just so tired.” I said and I rubbed at my eyes.  
“It had to be this way. I was killing myself. If I stay, you will be waking up to a whole different note, Li. And I can’t do that. I want to live. I can’t do that here.” I said.   
“I don’t want you to go.” Liam said shaking his head and Harry began to cry.   
“Don’t do this to me.” I whispered.   
“Harry. Come here, Haz.” I said and Louis let him down reluctantly. He walked over to me and I bent down to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me with one hand on the top of my back. His head sat on my shoulder.  
“I love you. So much, Hazza.” I said as I ran my hands through his hair. Harry stepped back and Niall hugged me next. He clung tight around my middle. I could feel his tiny balled up fist digging into my back. His head was buried mostly into my chest. I pulled him away gently as a sob ripped through him. I felt it in my gut. I looked over at Louis. He shook his head with tears in his eyes.   
“Lou.” I spoke softly and he clenched his teeth, a tear spilling over. He wiped it angrily from his cheek with the back of his hand and I sighed. I picked up my bag again and headed toward my car.   
“Z, please. Please, don’t do this. I need you.” Liam said and he clung onto my back. I could feel him sniffling into my hair.   
“What about all of the promises we made? What about forever?” Liam asked and I took a deep breath as I could feel a tear slide down my face. I closed my eyes for a moment.  
“Don’t do this, please just let me go.” I said as I turned to face him and he held on tightly to me. One hand was clutching onto my neck holding me tightly against him in desperation while the other hand bunched up in his shirt. His eyes were wetting my collarbone.   
“I love you. I always will. Forever.” I whispered as I untangled myself from him. I stepped back and opened my car door. I slung my bag into the passenger seat.  
“Baba, don’t leave!” Niall yelled as he came rushing out of the house.   
“Niall, go back inside with your brothers, please.” I said as my face crumbled.   
“Niall, come here!” Louis called. He ran up to him and grabbed his hand as he held Harry on his hip.   
“You know, if you’re going to leave, I wish you just would already. All that you’re doing is making things worse!” Louis yelled at me.  
“Louis, please-” I began.  
“I don’t want to hear it. Who’s supposed to take care of us? That was your job!” Louis yelled.  
“Daddy will. And you’ll take care of your brothers and they’ll take care of you.” I said.   
“I hate you.” Louis said said coldly.   
“No you don’t. But that’s okay. Because I love you so much that I don’t want to hurt you guys in any way. I love you and this is so fucking hard for me, but I have to do this.” I said and Louis just gripped onto Niall’s hand tighter as he led them back to the porch.  
“I love you! I love you, Baba!” Harry yelled at me and I swallowed thickly. I got back into my car and buckled up.  
“Goodbye.” I called to them from the car.   
I pulled out of the driveway as I saw Liam kick at one of Niall’s toy fire trucks that sat in the yard. He ran his hands through his hair and tilted his face toward the sky. I drove until my vision got too blurry before I stopped at a stop sign on a deserted road. I rested my head on the wheel and cried.   
I sat up and wiped my eyes. I raked through my hair to fix it before pulling on some sunglasses. I sniffled out a ragged breath before I put the car back into drive.   
That was it. That was the end of it and this is final. I am on my own. I rolled down the window and let it whip past me as I traveled on.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little therapeutic thing to kind of help me deal with Zayn leaving. I don't know why I love to have Liam and Zayn together and just ruin their relationship. It's becoming a pattern. I hope you guys like this and feel free to comment and leave kudos. Thanks for taking the time read this!


End file.
